My past self
by DOMO-RISKI
Summary: After a spell was said, the allies and axis (and Canada) will have to face their past selves and I don't mean younger versions, I mean them in a past life, when they were human. When the allies and axis are faced with their depressing sad story for every one of them. If going through one was heart breaking how can they go through 9! Rated T
1. A spell?

It was the world conference and everyone was doing their normal routine. Arguing, bickering, and fighting was all they ever did really and it wasn't going to change anytime soon unless a miracle happened. There was England who wasn't doing anything in particular except nearly exploding from Frances comment about bla, bla, bla and came back with bla, bla, bla. It was sounding like a broken record but it doesn't really matter when nobody seems to care as they have other things to argue about. No, really who came up with these things. After a few more words like bloody, hero, and pasta out came in Sealand, who was holding a book that was dust and had weird gold text on it, to faded to clarify. He didn't make a big entrance like he normally would when sneaking into a world conference but instead quietly made a seat next to England's (one of the seat that was not inhabited by anyone as they were probably out of their seats). He was quite proud of himself really and was not going to screw it up but instead was trying best to be blending in, if England did find out about Sealand siting right next to him. No one noticed him for a good period of time mind for Canada or Germany but they didn't really care as they were to tired and done with life for this world… literally.

"What the bloody hell my coo-"He stopped when he saw a book with a particular person and immediately grabbed it out of the boys hand. "What are you doing here and how long have you been there!" to which the boy simply replied "I just came to give your book back" he said with nervousness. "No, you stole it so you can get in here" England said back. America slipped the book out of England's hand "Dude, what the heck is this kind of language is this written in" he laughed lightly. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was dead" he added.

Oh god how much he hated that laugh and his blood boiled as he snatched it back only for it to be snatched by France. Sealand took the opportunity to leave. "Hey, give that back you bloke of a frog!" though England tried to grab it back; France swiftly moved his arm so that it was out of reach. But he dropped it on Russia's head which made everything silent, well aside from Italy's silent snoring. Russia slowly picked up the book with a purple aura, stood up, and flung the book strait at America square in the face with a flick of his wrist. "Now what was that for" He said softly and slowly. "Oh it was an accident, I-I didn't mean anything of it." England was laughing inside of his misfortune as the American fixed his glasses back on his face but waking Italy up in the process.

"Ooh what is that, America" Italy was fixated with the book. "Beats to me, I can't read it." "What kind of language is it in" Italy questioned. "I have no idea, can you read it?" Italy was eighty-nine percent sure that he couldn't. "Probably not, can you read a few lines to me." He thought it was hilarious when he tried to speak other languages, he failed at it but it was entertaining at time. "Uhh…" He knew it was bad but at least the Italian was laughing with him and not at him. "sid reperio... unus praeponam cor sanguinem per gradum ad me, that was the first line of this thing." England blinked when he heard those words and immediately froze.

The G8 (and Canada who has been there the whole time) watched as the walls crumpled into space, the decorations vanishing and the floor turning into a black hole…"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Is what was the last that was heard of them... nope, just kidding!

**GERMANY'S P.O.V**

Alfred was reading something to what seemed to be of Latin when we fell into a dark hole and everything went black...

One by one all of us starting with me, woke up to see nothing but white, until what seemed like to be two little fairies except they were not sparkling or glowing, in fact they both just looked like regular kids with regular cloths and wings that have shrunk down to the size of a normal fork.

"Hello there!" they both said. Everyone looked confused until England...

"Fairies!" The fairies went up to England with a great smile on their faces.

"Are these your guests" The normal pitched fairy said. To what sounded like a boy, his hair was similar to Prussia's with black hair, wearing a checkered green vest with long white sleeves, and red checkered pants, with black glasses on the bridge of his nose, near his deep green eyes. Before England could answer, he was cut off by another blacked haired, black glasses, same clothing, except "it" looked feminine and had brown eyes.

"Um, excuse me but could you introduce your selves?" Italy surprisingly said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Andi and this is my twin brother Phil."

"You guys are so cute! Aru" china popped in.

"Thanks" They both said.

"Excuse me little fairies but can you tell us why we are here?" Japan spoke.

"We are only here to give the readers some information, just in case they get confused." Andi punched the 4th wall onto the curb like it was nothing.

"Alfred did a spell to send you guys to see what your past selves was like, each and every one of you, separately. And each time all of you have meet one your past selves, you will be brought back here and have to go through which door you want to go next but you won't know who's past, out of the 9 of you is behind that door. Each time you have completed one journey, one door will disappear and until all the doors are completed, you will be granted an exit." Phil finished explaining

"Past selves?" I finally spoke up.

"A lot of you countries don't know this but before you were countries, you were human!" Everyone just stared at Andi blankly. " But I must warn you that, you guys now are the past you, wished to be. So they are pretty dark... oh and we wont be here until the end of the story so good luck!" Andi hit the 4th wall in the gut with a bat.

"WAIT!" Alfred shouted but it was too late as the fairies had vanished.

When the fairies vanished 9 doors appeared in the white room. Weird 9? Isn't there only 8?

"YOU BLOODY FROG; YOU JUST HAD TO MEDDLE IN MY BUSINESS!" Arthur shouted at France but all France did was look at him with sad eyes.

"Ve~ how about we start okay... I say that one..." Italy pointed to a random door and everyone's eyes followed"

"It's okay France, let's just start. It can't be that hard right?"

NARRATOR P.O.V

Everyone went up to the door and opened it. It was definitely not going to be easy...


	2. Stress makes a mess

**CHINA'S** P.O.V

Italy opened the soft, wooden, white door to see a a black, swirling looking portal. exchanging nervous glances, Alfred and Kiku put their hand in it, only to be forcefully sucked in, followed by the rest and lastly me.

When I was inside it felt painful and it did not help that I had a low pain tolerance. It felt like smog was getting in my lungs while lightning strikes were coursing through my veins but it was strangely pleasurable, weird...

~o,O0O,o~

I woke up to someone shaking me, and I groggily open my eyes to see Ivan saying something to me but I couldn't hear a thing. It can't be my old age. I stopped aging many,many,MANY years ago. because even though I do sometimes do stuff that elders do, like say to the younger nations that "Back in my day bla, bla, bla." I am still a nation so the physical part of me should not change. All I gave off was a confused look to which Russia went back to the others to talk about god knows what because I can't hear them too.

The "house" was small and a little poor looking not to mention, a sad atmosphere. But it seemed pretty recent, like 2012-ish.

Everyone seemed to be up if you don't count Germany waking up Italy and... me? What? Someone who looked a lot like me was sleeping on a really awful work desk which I think is just cardboard. Right on Que, 4 children ran up to "me" (or so I think that's me) with panic.

"Yao! Yao!" instinctively, I went up to the girl, she looked about 10, to give her a reassuring tap on the shoulder but it just went right through her. The other nations were giving me a look of confusion as I was giving shock. "Can you hear me" I said in worrying tone and just as what I feared for she could not.

Kiku tried the same things I did, touched and spoke but only got the same result as me. He then turned to me to say something to me but I heard no sound come out of him and all I could say was "I can't hear you, at all" He went back to the others to talk to them. weird, they can hear us but we can't hear them.

"What, what's wrong?" It sounded like, when I was around, 17. Oh those were the days.

"Dad's home!" two twin boys worrying said.

"Oh sh**, go to the neighbors house!"

"We can't. Dads' right outside!" a tall boy yelled.

"Sh**, sh**,sh**, Go in to the closet and the twins will go under the couch, quickly!" The kids did what they were told and went to the small closet and the shabby couch as a big slam was emitted through a tall, muscular, ( very scary) man, opening the door, to which in my surprise it did not break.

"Where did you hide the kids this time!" The deep voice scared me as it did to Arthur but not as much as it did to Italy. Definitely not as much as Italy...

"Somewhere that you won't find them because I knew you would be drunk!" To be honest I was a little shocked when I said that to an elder until...

The man punched him in the gut to where I saw a little blood come out of his mouth. My heart dropped as the others held me tight.. I tried to run away from this horrible scene but my hand slipped through the door handle and when I tried to go through the door itself, it would not let me, it was like an invisible wall. So in the end I just hugged a random polar bear on the floor, not even questioning.

The scene only got worse...

"Who in the world gave you the right to speak to your _father_ like that!" Father? no, NOOO!

"If it means to protect my siblings then I will do what ever I can!"

"You act like their your wife" He snickered which just made my blood boil but Japan soothed me... it was not helping.

"What about you, you _killed_ my mother!" Why, just why!

The monster punched him in the rib and kicked him on the tail bone while a load of blood came out of_** my**_ mouth and cracking noises from _**my **_back. Something clicked. Was this really me. It can't be!

"Oh, was this you homework." The disgusting creature tore what looked to be a writing assignment. "Do it again and while you are at that, scrub the bathroom and the walls and make dinner for me in two hours when i'm back, oh, and absolutely no dinner for three days, if that's not done I will make sure to break every bone in you body!" With that, the door slam shut with a rattle in the house.

I quickly went up to _**me**_ to help **me** but when I touched him I felt electricity go through my body with a burning sensation.

All I had was the nations that held me tight as they were also scared of what they saw.

just then the kids in the closet and the couch cried and helped me/him out. they brought a secret first-aid kit and bandaged me, or should I start calling me, him now?

"Let's bring you to your room." The tall one said.

"Ahh, but that's your room, I don't have one anymore..." They carried him anyway so he could lie down from the horrific beating.

After he was put down on the bed, the children were about to leave to go fetch some things for him before he spoke out. "Kid's, I have something very important to tell you." The voice was very horse.

"What is it" the girl said. All the children knelt beside him to listen.

"I'm dying..." The kids froze in shock as did us nations

"What, no, y-you can't be dying." Twins said

"I am growing weaker from beatings and stress and I have infections from open cuts. I think it's way to late to go to the hospital plus that's expansive..."

" . . . . . . . . .no" Was all the tall boy kept saying.

"Don't worry. I have search tiredly everywhere but I have found someone that will take you in. A nice young lady and a husband that sadly can't make children. You will be safe there." He pulled out a piece of paper that had a phone number on it.. "Call a neighbor that has a phone and they will pick you up from there. They are very wealthy an-"

"No, what about you!" The taller boy said.

"Hopefully, if I am reborn again, I will have a happy life, happy journeys,... and successful and happy siblings. To all but greater." His eyes closed.

The twins listened for a breath or a heart beat..."He's dead..." they both said. I was on the verge of crying while Italy was wailing and even Germany had brimming eyes. Even though I could not hear the words that they was saying I could still feel what they are feeling.

They all gave a goodbye kiss and message with weeping eyes and tears followed, they walked away...

As they walked away the room broke apart and soon we were in the white room again. The door to my past collapsed and vanished. All I wanted to do was cry and weep.

"So to which one next..." Even Ivan was shaken about what happened.

This was never going to be easy

~o,O0O,o~

**A/N- sorry that it was a little bit cheesy but to all of you guys who reviewed**: **speadee, pastaaddict**,** and** **Canadian Otaku 2001** **you guys are** **awesome!THANK YOU!**


	3. Insanity!

**England's P.O.V**

We were transported back to the white room and surrounding doors. Wang still had a frozen face but who wouldn't after seeing yourself die because from beatings.

"China, can you hear us now?" Japan spoke in worry. When China said that he could not hear us, most of us thought that was because of his old age but at least Germany and I know that there must of been more to it.

"y-ye-eess, I can hear you now..." He responded

"So, who-a wants to choose next" Italy sounded conflicted if he should talk or not.

"How about I choose now, da?" Russia was the first to compose himself completely since the last "episode" "Lets go to that one, it looks interesting." he pointed to a door that looks like someone splashed a bunch of different paint colors on it. "come on." He said as he opened the door to reveal the same looking vortex as the previous one. We all go in to felt the same discomfort and pleasure as before then blacking out.

~o,O0O,o~

I was the first wake up while America looked like he was having a nightmare so on instinct, I woke him up first. "America, America!" He woke up in a jump as other people were waking up. He turned around to say something but I could not here him, I knew it was not just by old age! Germany walked up to me and cupped his ear as a gesture of saying if I could hear him and all I could say was "No." He understood and woke everybody else up along with... who's that person?

I looked around to also see a place that was modern day. It was a fancy and big room; very rich and wealthy. On the bed in the room I see a boy sleeping in it. W_hich country's past is that? _I thought. I walk up to the sleeping body to see the face more clearly only to be faced with... me... _Sh**_.

But I could hear unsettling words out of his mouth, stuff like "Can you leave me alone." and "Why do you destroy my life?" in a very calm manner. He must be having a bad dream. Not even a second later, his eyes shout wide open, meeting me eye to eye even though he probably could not see me but stayed like that until he started to... laugh? "hehehehehehe~ voices in my head, watching me 24/7, it doesn't bother me at all! HAHAHAHA!" Everyone stared at me and him a look of "What. the. fu**" France stared at what looks to be when I was 16 with the thought "_this can't be England!"_

"Ahhh, the day I turn 16, 16 full years of voices and eyes following my every move!" He said softly then gradually got insane if he was not insane enough.

A butler looking very proper and dignified came in. "Mr. Kirkland your breakfast is done." Italy walked up to the butler to put his arm through his body until Germany pulled him back.

"Will my parents be here?" Was probably the most sane thing he said.

"Your parents said that they will try but may be to busy to do so, I'm sorry." The butler left.

"Figures..." For a moment I actually felt bad. The boy got up to go down stairs but I still could see the permanent twitch in his eye. The room went in a whirl like motion and soon we were in a fancy diner room.

_"I don't even remember when my parents ever here..."_ He pulled a journal looking book and started to write stuff down. I looked over his shoulder to see him write down: _I_ _don't even need to know that my parents won't be here, not because they're busy but because they are trying to stall and be away as much as they can from their mistake/me. These days I feel like I'm going insane! I feel extremely uncomfortable these voices talking to me and watching me. Even though I know none of it is real I have this surge to believe it. I'm pretty sure I would of already committed murder if it was not for my butler that keeps me sane as much as possible. _Then he kept on writing about how the voices always bring him into an existential crisis and making him always have nightmares. It makes me uneasy as this is my past but it does not help that the other nations were getting curious and wanted to read what the other me was writing and France already read it because he's a medaling turd of a frog! He turned to me to say something but suddenly remembered that I can't hear him so he gave me a hand on my shoulder for reassurance but I didn't really need it since I knew that me past was going to be bad because of the hint that the last "episode" had.

The boy was eating his breakfast and while the butler was going to go to the kitchen he was stopped. "Mr. leit, can I talk to you?"

"What do you want to talk about?" He responded

"Do you even know where my parents are?"

"I have no idea, I am truly sorry..."

The other me went upstairs and we followed will the same whirl that went in the room before. Nothing was really interesting to me until he started to full on talk to himself and put his hands on his head like he had a head ache. "Why! Why can't you leave me alone!" The sudden outburst got my full attention "Why don't you just end it if you hate us so much." he said quietly like he was speaking for two people. "Bu-but I don't want to die!" "You're suffering painfully but you don't have to deal with this. It's easy with just a simple swallow." "...No, no, no... please don't make me." his voice started to crack with fear and tears. " Don't worry I'll wait but until then think about it." Shaky and scared, he went over to the right wall and pushed on to reveal a wood, small-medium room behind it. It had pictures and notes everywhere.

"Should I... was I hear only to suffer... insanity... it will eat you and swallow you. There will never be a time to just relax. It's like being paranoid 24/7." He began to cry while hugging A picture of...my older brothers? What? "If only you were still here, but sadly you guys lost the battle of insanity when I was ten but you guys died together in suicide. I still remember when you said to have a better life and fight through whatever battle I was having no matter what." There was a pause as he looked lost in his thoughts "but now I think I've failed you guys."

"I'm sorry."

He took out a match and lit it. No matter how much I try, I could never sleep but now after a full 16 years, I will!

He brought the match up to the wooden wall and everything lit up in flames. Quickly going up the walls and all through out the room. I freaked out along with the others because of getting burned, even though we are countries, we could still feel pain but luckily we were whirled out but what we saw was that the whole mansion was on fire and the butler running past us. This, this is all wrong! Insanity, no!"

The world crumbled into space and we were back into the white room. The door to my past vanished, leaving the rest of the doors taunting.

Two down, seven to go...


	4. Love traiter

**Russia's P.O.V**

England was not having a freak out like China did but had a distant feeling. He did not talk. He did not respond. All he did was stare at the blank floor, recollecting his thoughts. Everyone felt sorry, but don't they realize that their next? Sure I felt a little bit shocked but I'm not a baby like them.

suddenly, England shouted "let's just get this over with, okay?!" and ran then opened the door that was black with white splatters all over it, zoomed into it like his life depended on it. Alfred and Francis went after him and the rest came along with me entering last.

Oh, how love the sensation the portal brought to my body, don't know why, I just do. For some reason when I enter these doors, I see everyone blackout while I'm the last one who just drifts of into a slumber and as my eyes got heavier and heavier I fell asleep.

~o,O0O,o~

As always, I wake up first but still rest as my strength is next to nothing when going through these portals until almost everyone seems to be awake, then my body's will to stand and walk is back again. I was going to do my usual talk to the group with a few, why don't you become one with mother Russia when, da? When... I could not hear anything. But rather than be confused of freaked out, I know that this must mean that this is my past.

Everyone came to look at me. '_They must know that this is my past since everyone else can hear'_ I thought to my self as I confirmed to them that, no, I can't hear them. Some people were worried, others did not know what to fell, and smart people like Germany kept calm. Though overall, it was awkward until little boys and girls shot up from the shabby and small looking beds with sudden fear as a whistle was blown.

There were rows of beds like that and the walls were monotonous from lack of color. It as like China's except bigger and cramped.

A tall woman entered with glasses as thick as her head shouted. "Breakfast will be given when the beds are made and the downstairs are mopped! If I catch you not following orders, you will be put outside in the cold winter until supper." The woman walked out as the kids went to work immediately and Italy looking terrified.

"I hate this orphanage..." A little boy said. An orphanage. hmm? I walked up to him to see that looked like me at about age 10 or so and France saying something that I could not understand.

"Yea, me too but if we were not hear I wouldn't have met the kindest and best friend now wouldn't I?" The nations were giving of a 'What!?" vibe as it was another little boy with hair like Spain's and very light brown eyes.

"I love, how you say such positive things to cheer up the sad mood."

"You could too if you just give everyone one that beautiful smile that you try to hold back." Everyone thought of the smile that I get when they know I'm going I am going to take over the world...KolKolKol...

"One day, if possible."

"Don't be like that, we will get out of here and one day we could get married." What!

"You are the only person I would ever get married to!" Well... good thing Belarus is not here...

Before they went down stairs the brown eyed boy kissed him sweetly on the cheek before taking off with the other me.

We were warped but not downstairs as we were still in the same room as before except the other me and the boy came back with sweat and a piece of bread in their hands. Was that really their breakfast?

"Hey, I need to go down stairs to get something, be right back." The brown haired boy walked down stairs while the silvered haired one nodded and plopped onto the bed.

"I am so glad that I have имя as a frien- no. Much, much, much more than a friend could ever be. I will never forget when I was only, who knows, and he chose me over any other pretty girl in the room. When he said that he loved me, it was the greatest gift I could hope for, then he started giving my small little kisses on the cheeks. Even if they are just little pecks, they give me all these warm and fuzzy feelings I just...***giggle**"

Italy was melting over the adorableness, Arthur and China were forgetting about what they saw in their past life for a moment, Japan gave a small giggle, and France was giving a heart warming smile but something did not feel right...

"See, you can make anybody happy if you just gave that smile a little more often than not." The other me smiled even more and gave him a big kiss on the cheek as the brown eyed boy came back. "Guess what I got you?" имя asked to the other.

"What?" He pulled out a big sunflower. For one thing, it was gorgeous.

The other me did not say anything except hug him to death. "You'll need it..." имя whispered

"What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing." This... this is very familiar.

"Lets go play with the other kids."

"I don't really want to... I want to spend time together with just the two of us." He said kind of softly

"Ok, what do want us to do?"

"Do you remember when I first confessed to you?"

"All too clearly, we sat on two beds and were playing a game where we toss the ball, in our case; a pillow, and if we didn't catch it we would have to reveal something about our selves, and you told me you loved me.

"Yea, lets play that."

We were warped to another time skip and we saw them two sleeping on a bed until the brown haired one woke the silver haired one to go outside for something really important so we were warped again

"So where are we going?"

"Just stand right there." He pointed next to a tree which was part of the edge that went into the forest. He did but then the brown eyed boy pushed him backwards, so that the other me would get his foot caught in a bear trap.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Awww, looks like someone is going to miss getting there adoption parents."

"Parents?!" He said in pain

"Oops, looks like I did not tell you, sorry."

"Why did you do this?!"

"Because I was their second choice, and if you're gone I can finally escape."

"I thought you loved me?!"

"Love can only take you so far..." he than began to walk away

"You're just going to leave me here!?" He had mountains of tears flowing down his face as they dropped on the cold snow. He stopped and turned around.

"How about some advise, do not trust anyone." He threw the sunflower that the other me previously left on a book shelf and threw it to him. Then started to run away.

Before he could say anything, a wolf was rushing towards him then everything broke of into space with scream growing fainter and fainter...

~o,O0O,o~

We were back into the white room, and I could hear some sniffling and some whaling. China and Arthur hugged me and what I would usually if that ever happened freak them out so they will go away but there is a time for everything so all I did was cry.

3 down

7 to go


	5. Killed

**`Hey, just a quick authors note this story might be a little too heavy so if you are not into that kind of stuff I strongly suggest you leave or skip to the next chapter. And sorry if this chapter may seem a little bit short but it was the best I could come up with. (If there is one that is) any ways enjoy :)**

**~o,O0O,o~**

**France's P.O.V**

All these horrible scenes just make me want to vomit honestly. You know there is a huge problem when you want to hug Russia to make him feel better… but thankfully Russia was back on his feet with recovery.

"France, you seem withdrawn." Russia popped up

"Non, non. I'm fine." Was the only thing I could of thought in the moment.

"All right, Germany, do you want to pick…" Italy was hesitant to talk but couldn't stand the awkward atmosphere.

"N-no thank you. Italy, why don't you do it?" It was still very awkward.

"A-actually can I-I choose, please?" The nations were all startled with the quiet voice that one even yelled out ghost but thankfully it was just Canada.

"Go ahead" I said. I should not have done that.

Canada took a minute looking around with America beside him. He nudged his brother and pointed to a door smallest and furthest away from the other doors. It had a bunch of cracked wooden chips with a gold door knob, that's odd.

"You sure, Mattie?" Even America was a bit put off with the out of place feel it had to it. Canada nodded.

"We'll Just going to go through every door so might as well get this door done and over with." Alfred just agreed.

"Well then, instead of just standing here, let's get a move on." When did America and Canada Become this serious. Sure Canada what very responsible and mature but this side of him scared me.

They were the first to go in while I was last. I hated the feel of going through these portals! They always stung and pinched. I could deal with pain but it was just nauseating! Blech!

**~o,O0O,o~**

I did not wake up or anything like that. I was just… up. But it was not to long before Germany and the others were to wake from consciousness though.

The first thing that I immediately noticed was that I could not hear. Great. I got the extra memo when Italy harshly brought me over to another person that was rapidly cleaning the house. Was that me? Probably. The countries backed away from me like they were saying "the stage is all yours!" Sometimes, they would back away because they would think that I was a rapist or something stupid like that. Sure I had dirty thoughts but I was the personified country of love. Why can't they see that?

Well, anyway… the house looked fine. The atmosphere was tense. And the other I, around 17 or so, looked scared like he was going to break with a gust of wind. That theory was proven wrong when a door opened but instead of an angry man like china's past, He looked to be 19 or 20 with short black hair and black suit.

"Hey Francis, today has been stressful at work, so get to the bed pet" People had the face of _'France as an uke!' _especially England.

But all the stressed out, blond haired me did was stare at the ground, still on his knees from scrubbing it. His knuckles were tightening on the sponge with a face like he was going to cry but still stood strong. "Pl-please."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I did not know I was paying you for being a lazy a**" The man came out coldly. He then grabbed him by the collar only to shake him violently.

"Please, I will clean, trim, and cook whenever you please but don't make me." Fear was aching out of his voice.

"Wow, it seems that you would not do anything for your family. If you don't remember, this is my house. Your parents would have started to starve without pay. They don't have jobs. You're the only one who can work. But no one is going to hire someone off the streets with no experience. So who provides the money? I do. Who does the work? You do. And if I say something needs to be done and you are not willing to do so, why help?" He had a sick and twisted sinister smile on his face. Tears were now starting to flow out of the scared man's face. "But I don't care right now, pet. Now what I need is some slut, forced or not." He opened a door and shoved my past into the room. That was when "I" started to fight back.

"No, I will turn you into the police!"

"Oh, really. I don't know if you know this but I know where your sister lives."

"If you rape her I will-"

"Haha, rape her? That's too dangerous. I meant my trusty knife." It got real quiet. He was put in a vulnerable spot and was taken advantage of immediately. The scene was black and all I could hear was noises like screaming, slapping, and crying (**A/N sorry guys, got to keep this T rated**) then it all stopped and all I could sense ( Only I could though for some reason) was a knife going through someone's heart, followed by a large scream that startled everybody.

Vision went back to normal with the man standing next to a duffle bag and a bloody knife in his messy red hand.

"Wow, another fool for the count. Such a pity." He picked up the duffle bag after washing his hands harshly to get any red stains off and getting black gloves. "Maybe someone should learn how to listen."

He went out of room and everything swirled back into the white room. The door to my past broke down and vanished as the doors reformed the circle. Maybe that is why I hate pleasure and pain.

4 down

5 to go

**~o,O0O,o~**

** Yea, I'm sorry it's not as good as the other ones but if you have some ideas to make it better, PM me.**


	6. Fake smiles

**Italy's P.O.V**

This was all too much for me- no. For anyone.

China was recovering. England looked more aware. Russia kept biting his lip. France was frozen. Japan and Germany looked very worried. America and… Canada was it? Were get more and more paranoid.

I want pasta and Germany right now. Yea, when we get out of here, I'll drag Germany to make pasta with me! Just keep thinking about pasta with Germany and Japan then it will all blow over! Right?

We did not want to make conversation. We were tired of that so instead we were in our own thoughts and stood there like we were wax figures. No one wanted to break it, the silence that echoed through the non-existent halls. Nothing but us, in a white room, with different doors surrounding us in a circle.

_Draw a circle that's the earth, draw a circle that's the Earth, draw a circle that's the Earth. It is Hetalia~ _But it did not feel like it right now. More like: _In a circle that's our pain, in a circle that we sang, in a circle it's all the same, how about we play a game~ _Yea, more like it…

I don't remember the last time when I was this gloomy- wait a minute, yes, I do. It was when Germany suddenly snapped at me but he apologized and made up with a happy ending. Except this is different.

England seemed to suddenly snap too when he threw a burnt scone (don't ask me) behind him with a loud "GRRAAA!" seemed like he did not enjoy the silence like the others were. The scone smashed into a door that was a mixture of blues and yellows to make some sort of vine with black dripping off the painted leaves. The door flew right open with a thud to reveal the vortex to go through. Nobody moved during the tenseness of the white room until I felt a strange pull that made me make the first step towards it like a trance or something. Before I knew it, I walked into the purple vortex in a slow manner. It did not pull me in. It felt like water except I could breath. Whenever I enter these portals, I immediately black out, and so I did.

**~o,O0O,o~ **

Germany woke me up to see that I was in a very modern house. Everything looked very normal. Canada glanced at the clock "2:39" Everyone looked at him as they did remember Canada but as though he was still transparent. Someone rushed through the main entrance door and luckily it was not some scary man or a psychotic young adult, no, it was a 17 year old-ish me. He seemed to have a smile on his face that quickly turned into a frown as he rushed into a cabinet in his bathroom to pull out anti-depressant pills. Why would he-

"Why am I such a sin to the world?" He chocked out like he was on the verge of tears. "I wish my brother was here."…"What's wrong with me?"…"Why does everyone hate me so much?"… "The only people who accepts me are the people I have not told."… "Why did they leave me?"…"But there is only me to blame, I guess." I want to cry right on the spot like I did with the other nation's stories where I whaled but my tears seemed to have left me. So I listen. "I'm so stupid! Why do I exist!?"

A front door opened to reveal a person who also looked like me except the curl was on the other side and had darker skin. LOVI! "Feliciano, I'm home!" the other me looked frightened as he put his anti-depressant pills away and put on a big, happy, and fake smile on then walked up to where lovi was."

"Lovi, your home" He seemed to be like nothing had happened and all of his worries flushed away.

"Thanks for pointing that out captain obvious. Anyway what do you want for dinner?"

"Pasta! I'll help you." He was saying in a cheery tone. A fake one that is.

"Of course, always pasta. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sister." He sighed and gave of a small smile but my past did not seem to see the smile as his happy face faltered a bit. "Come on, it's not going to cook itself." They turned to the kitchen as my past put on his smile again.

"Ok, I will make sure too put extra tomato sauce on yours."

**~0,O0O.o~**

As they were make pasta, besides getting hungry, I turned around to see the nations talking but I could not hear at all. I want talk to Germany!

**~o.O0O,o~**

They finished eating their pasta with small conversations like: Why does lovi love tomatoes, staring contests, and an embarrassing/awkward conversation about having to brush their hair very carefully to avoid touching their curls. I am so grateful that Romano was not around to hear that.

"Come on, let's go to bed" lovi said then got into their pajamas, brushed their teeth, took turns taking a shower, and whist to bed. Doesn't seem too bad of a past but "I" woke up making sure that his brother was asleep and went back to the bathroom cabinet with the same frown he had from the beginning. "I forgot to take my pills." He took two out and swallowed them with a glass of water but still looked at the bottle of pills. "The only reason why my brother does not hate me like my parent and my friends that have left is because I have not told him." Now tears were starting to form and flow down his cheeks. "It doesn't matter anyway… rumors are starting to spread about me… but why did the rumors have to be true?" Tears were falling down harsher. "Why was I born such a monster?" I start to have light brimming eyes but still confused either way. "I always knew that I was different. ***sniff." **"It does not feel like I am a boy! Why do I want to go to the woman's isle instead of the men's?" OH MY! My reaction seemed to be the same as the others with different mixes like Germany was a mix of shock and 'I KNEW IT'. "What will happen when he finds out? Will he leave me like my friends or hate me like my parents or could he be both? ... He's all I have left that wouldn't walk away as soon as he saw me." He stood there contemplating on something. Without warning he took like half the bottle of pills and swallowed one after another with a gulp after each one. I start to panic along with everybody else. "I don't want to wake up and see tomorrow anymore." He walked out and went back into his room with his last tear falling as he laid into his bed.

I don't know how to feel about this. I can't hold back tears anymore and cried loudly as the nation's sad faces turned to me as they can hear me but I could not hear them. There was a sudden warp but instead it was the very next day.

Romano woke up the very next day as he looked like a zombie while trudging through the hallway to go brush his teeth until he almost dropped the tooth brush when he saw the ant-depressant pills sprawled out all over the counter "FEL-FELICIANO!" He ran to his bedroom to see my past not moving on the bed. He screamed, checked for a heartbeat, and froze. "feli…" he started to cry and we were swished away to the white room again. I was whaling like almost every past and hugged Germany. The door to my past shattered as the doors realigned themselves to be in a perfect circle again.

_In a circle that's our pain, in a circle that we sang, in a circle it's the same, how about we play a game~_

**5 down **

**4 to go**

**~o,O0O,0~**

**supprisingly, I am very proud of how this chapter turned out! Way better than the last!**


	7. fulfillment

**A/N: Hey! sorry I have been ignoring you but I'm back! I have no excuse... **

**Part 1 out of 2**

**~o,O0O,o~**

**Germany's P.O.V **

I feel conflicted. I have been getting used to the whole shock factor of these pasts but seeing Italy's made me sadder, don't ask me I don't know why. He is currently on my back sobbing and cutting off the blood circulation going through my brain. "Hey Germany can we make pasta! Please, Please, Please!" Or at least that is what I think he said from his sobs muffling his voice. "Ja, Only if you loosen your arms, their crushing me" I never thought I would say that to Italy. He obliges and drifted off to sleep. I think he ran out of tears. Though it was kind of nice and comforting. I snap out of mine and others thoughts to figure out what we do next. "So, which door next..." I said in a weary tone. "Well there are only four doors left." Was what Canada said but I could not pick up the rest since I didn't even sound like he was talking... I think... what was his name again? I seems as though Japan knew what he was saying as he pointed to a very beautiful door in my opinion though I did give off that feeling of: 'I don't like the world'... well to be fair I'm not enjoying it either right now. the door had peddles gracefully scattered with vivid colors like freshly picked flowers and vines strong and tight around a solid stone that has a carving on it. It's not settling. It had a fallen angle on in with a spear or sword going through it but the angle seemed happy, delighted even. It smile on the baby angle was not creepy though. It was a comforting smile. I actually wonder if it's actually a door- never mind. Japan seemed to open it with fair ease really. The vortex looked different. Instead of it's usual other color it was blue, a sky blue. I let everyone in first with Italy still on my back murmuring something interesting: "In a cir-cle- our pain - the- same- game, game, game..." I wish he would stop but I don't want to wake him up though. I enter with Italy on my back and before I slip into unconsciousness I could feel Italy shivering. Whenever I enter it feels like lots of pinches are going through my body. short-note: unpleasant. though I did feel something else with Italy, I liked it. though I'm still a little bit crept out when Italy said those things in his sleep. unconsciousness took over me slowly unlike me being knocked out cold once I am fully engulfed. "Pain...pa-circle the same... draw a circlllllle. it's game's pain." Can he stop that. I finally start to lose consciousness as darkness fully blinds me and can no longer sense the blue streams that tinted the black in streams. this was actually taking painfully long. my toes and figure tips go numb as it slowly goes through my arms and legs in a center and up motion till I could feel nothing or speak. then my last sense to go was my hearing as it gave a light pop. For some reason though my brain is still working. I could sense that we were probably going though like the speed of light. The singing and shivering stopped as Italy cold be taken as a dead man if I wasn't for the beating heart that my blood could sense without the sense of touch. I'm actually starting to get worried now... Why haven't I slipped into consciousness yet. I get filled with anxiety until I know that we have stopped and very slowly I can start to feel with the same process of me getting numb. Starting with the toes and fingertips going from center and up. Then my voice and hearing. But I still couldn't move though like in sleep paralyses. I now could open my eyes to see Italy from the other side of the room (I don't know how that happened) and nine bodies squished together in a tiny room. I could not turn my body to see the people behind me but I could feel it. I had enough eye vision though to see that it was not an ordinary room that were in since the floor is hard tile so I use all the strength I have to turn around just enough to see a little bit of a bed and a heart rate monitor. I could tell by the monitor alone that we were in a hospital room. I waited a little bit so I could turn completely around to see a boy on the bed no less then twelve hooked up to a bunch of wires, I wait what feels like twenty minutes later to stand up very wobbly. I could already tell that it was me and I was preparing until the open of a door startled me a bit. Other countries are starting to wake up and waking others up while ignoring me because they know that it is me on the bed so they did not want to disturb me, well, some did but others stopped them from doing so.

"Hey brother, happy birthday!" Prussia looked to be about 18 or so, hard to tell. He was wearing a black plain jacket, blue skinny jeans, and gray headphones around his neck. weird. He also had a cupcake in a container that he was holding. "Go away" Was the response that the preteen gave. Prussia put the container on a desk next to the bed and sat down net to little me. "Come on, don't be down! name anything and I will do my best to get it for you." Wow, me brother would of just broke into my room and said: 'Hey it's your birthday! Now let's get drunk!' But this one looked sincere, what was wrong with his past? "Well, if you can get me a normal life then maybe but for now I want to be alone." "Well at least have the cupcake I made for you, please." Prussia bakes?! "Alright, I guess since you made it." The white haired man gave a warm smile to that and gave him the cupcake from the container and got an electric candle from his pocket to put on it. The twelve year old nibbled on the white frosted cupcake with a slight smile on his face. "Aw, you your food never fails to impress me." He's joking right? "It makes me happy that you like it." He said with a... giggle?... "Hey, uh, brother?" "Yes?" "What was it like for you when you were my age?" "hmm... well I was kind of a loner but had a few friends and a very cute baby brother." Is it possible to switch? "I swear there is something wrong with you..." He sighed to himself and continued "I wish I had your life." The older brother tried to find his words. "Uh, well, one day you will." followed by a nervous laugh. The younger one seemed to just stair at him with piercing eyes. "You know than I won't be able to survive till the next year and you know it, so stop lying to me." He hugged his knees, still in his white, thin, blanket. Prussia seemed to be even more lost at words. "N-no, you- I won't-" He was cut off by my pasts sudden out burst. "YOU KNOW I WON"T, STOP LYING!" He stopped trying to find his words and instead stayed completely silent. The older just stared down at his hands. "Sorry, maybe it's just me. Maybe I can't face it." A few water droplets dropped at his palms. "Your not the only one. Mother is not having the best at times." Prussia responded with a pat on the back. "I-it's not how much time you have but it's how you use it. If your all grumpy and sad when you... d-d... pass on, then it's not a fulfilled life." His hands were shaky and it was clear that he tried his best not to start crying. "Well, there's not much to fulfill, is there when you start looking like an outdated computer from all the wires hooked up on you." "Tha-" He was cut off et again when his phone started to ring and answered it outside the hospital room. The little one sighed before the older one went back inside the room to tell him that he has to leave but he will be back soon. The younger half-heartedly, waved him goodbye with his back faced towards Prussia. When he left my past sat up and looked out of a window. Outside the window, in the distance you could see a playground with a few children and a baby playing by the swing sets, not to far from the building. "fulfill ,huh?" Still staring at the window, he slowly reached up at his arm and slowly took off a bandage then the intravenous line pierced through his skin with blood dripping off the tip of it when he fully pulled it out. Then slowly started taking out the other wired taped or pierced though his skin at a faster pace still looking outside the window with determination till he was prepared with caution to take out the leads (the things that hook you up to the heart rate monitor) then quickly pulled them off, put some clothes over his hospital gown that he got from under the bed in a bag, and made a dash for it. While we run after him, going strait though people, he bumps into many but didn't cause too much suspicion. He slowed down and began to walk. It took about ten minutes or so to reach the exit next to the entrance doors and he happily sprang through them but still ran. He went strait to the playground he saw in the distance but fell on the soft cold sand that left him winded and weak. I presume that he doesn't have much strength being in a hospital and such.

"Ooof" As he landed. Suddenly a young girl, maybe a little bit younger than him, ran up to him to help him up. "Are you ok?" She said in a worry. She had had short brown hair, closed eyes and a heavy Italian accent. Um, coincidence? Yea, it's just coincidence. "I-I'm fine." he said in a shaky tone. "Your shaking! what's your name?" She said hastily. "Uh, my name? My name is Ludwig. What about you?" "Oh, my name? My name is Feliciano." I look to have hope that Italy was not listening and surely enough he was too busy with the physics of going through stuff. All the other nations heard though except for America who was doing the same with Italy. They were murmuring something and even though I couldn't hear what they were saying, I know it can't be good. "That's a unique name. Are you from here?" He couldn't tell? "Actually, no, I'm visiting from Italy for about a month. "Wow, Italy." He said in aw. "haha, yep, though I really like you ancient." A light blush was spread across his face. Good thing Prussia is not here to silently mock me. "Th-Thank you." "Um, were are your parents?" ... "Uhh... m-my pare-ents live very f-far away s-s-so I live with my broth-brother." "I don't want my parents to be away from me..." "Is something wrong?" ... "hu? Oh nothing. It's just been s fear of mine recently." "Oh, don't worry about it they probably will always love you." "I hope so..." He said in a quiet tone. "What?" "N-nothing!" The blonde boy was taken by surprise with the sudden outburst. His weak heart can't take much but luckily he's fine. He sees his brother (Prussia) and decides between returning quickly or making a run for it and he does the later. "I have to go!" "Wait, can I see you again? I'll be here!" As he runs he turns back and shouts. "I will!" As he fades away the world swirls into a night setting and my past self sneaking into a small hotel though he was caught. "What are you doing!" "Oh, um... I'm sorry I just have no home to go to." He starts to cry silently and the owner or whatever position she has is taken aback. "Don't you have parents." He thinks for a bit should he lie. he does. "I don't have any..." Dirty little liar. "You don't have a guardian or something?" She honestly does not know what to do. He nods his head slowly in a no. "Please can I use this for just a week or so, I'll work." The lady can't just kick him out so she agrees if he helps clean up at night which he happily obliges. She shows him to a room that he can stay in. It's small with a couple cracks on the wall but over all it had a nice bed and it was clean. "You can sleep here, I hope it's good enough." "Oh thank you, what is you name?" "Call me Miss. Diana" she sais as she chuckles." "Yes Miss. Diana, thank you." "No problem, have a good night." My past plops himself on the bed as Diana walks away. "I will fulfill the rest I have brother... though I miss you..." He closes his eyes as a tear falls.

**~o,O0O,o~**

**A/N: I am so sorry I have not been updating but to make up for it I'm making this one longer. Please don't kill me...**

**Just to be clear HRE is not the young Germany in this chapter and the next one but you can imagine whatever you want (=3=)~See ya!**


	8. Unfulfillment of reget and question

**A/N: Well hi! on to part two! Little short but I intended it to be that way. it's a little bit different from the rest.**

**~o,O0O,o~**

**Past Germany's P.O.V**

When I feel a sleep that night, I felt very uneasy and really regretted what I did but the more I think about it the more determined I get! I spent ten stupid years doing nothing, on a bed for what! When Prussia said those words to me about fulfilling my life, I didn't really think about and thought it was another weird thing that that my brother said but when I looked at the children at the playground I felt adrenalin rush through me even though that that was probably not good for my heart I did it anyway and I think I made a friend, her ancient was the most interesting thing about her and just as we promised we meet each other everyday and moved it to a different location. Even though she questioned it, I couldn't let my brother catch me. Luckily she agreed and we moved our meeting place to a nearby grass field. The more I'm with her everyday, my heart starts to flutter, and that's another thing. I knew it was going to happed, my heart is now getting weaker and weaker by the minute without the supporting wires to push back my death date. But I don't care. I'm filling my void, wish my brother was here though, he must be worried sick. Mrs. Diana has been warming up to me these past few weeks and as I promised I helped her clean at night before I go to rest for a new day. There were plenty of times where Mrs. Diana was seriously thinking about sending or calling an orphanage but I luckily convince her one way or another so she proposed that I go to one of them after around two months. I agreed because frankly I'll ne dead by then. I was cleaning one night when I saw a newspaper laying around on the floor. Diana was asleep and through distraction I looked through it and stopped when I saw an article called "Child escapes from hospital" I didn't want to read more from fear of what's in it but for one thing's for sure I need to be more careful because Dinana could have easily sawn that. I meet Feliciano's brother once and he seemed to like me but he was very protective her. I think his name was Lovino I think? Even though we meet everyday she seemed to get more weary and distant while my heart was pretty close to death until she cried and opened up saying that she was a she was a he and not a she but still wanted to call him a she. She didn't want to lie to me anymore, saying that bit broke her heart to lie to me everyday thinking she was someone else.

**The day before**

"Feliciano!" I called out but she still seemed distant and crying at a nearby tree. "Feliciano?" No answer was returned. "Feliciano... are you alright?" I tapped her shoulder when she just turned around and started to cry on my shoulder. This lasted for several seconds till she pulled away with tears and worry in her eyes.

"I don't think I can lie to you and more." As she started to cry into her hands. I start to panic

"Wha-what's wrong, tell me." I honestly didn't know what to do, I wasn't very good at comforting. She wiped a straying tear off her cheek with her sleeve.

"You're my friend, right?" You could tell that she was trying to talk without a sob coming out.

"Of course!" I said without hesitation. then the next words hit me.

"Ludi, I'm not a girl..." She didn't want to say anything else. It took me a second to get the message an kept going on about how she feels like a girl but isn't. Of course I was shocked by this information but I excepted her with a hug to comfort her. To say that I won't leave. Shortly after we both started crying and I promised her that I won't leave. It made me want to tell her that I ran away and have not much time to live but tomorrow would be a good day. I can't spoil this moment.

**Present (somewhat)**

I regret that. should have told her so I could go back to the hospital with my brother and she could visit me while I could have lasted to my fullest extent. But as I lay here with my heart giving up on my way to meet Feliciano again and now I wonder, am I fulfilled now? maybe...

"Sometimes you just need more time. Your so close but yet times up." Is what my brother said to me once. My brother had a lot of wisdom... I slip into my last breath while thinking "What significance did I have?"

**Narrator**


	9. Just to let you know

**A/N**

**Sorry for the false chapter and breaking a guideline rule but I want to let you know that after the next chapter is up, I'm going to be changing a lot of the chapters as I cringe at the few beginning chapter especially the first one which will affect me on having new posts for a while. I may add like a few sentences or maybe completely rewrite it, so I hope it doesn't bother you too much but just to let you guys have a heads up so you don't get confused when you see the first chapter not being like it originally was. Thank you and goodnight! (or five a.m. in the morning) **


	10. forget to begin

**A/N: Hey, I've been thinking that I kind of liked the Past's point of views. It gives it more emotion and detail, so I hope you don't mind. It gives me less writers block. I think I might rewrite some of the chapters too. Anyways, onward!**

**~o,O0O,o~**

**Japan's P.O.V**

Germany's story has been longer than the others minus the time skip here and there. Italy was oblivious but even he would eventually figure it out and since then Italy has been very clingy to the blond, though I won't admit it out loud, it's very cute. I wish I had my sketch pad. Though the atmosphere is very tense between the two, I can feel it especially from Germany. Italy is not sobbing like he usually would but instead just clung on to him with silent tears. It was eerily quiet even though I do like silence as I get very little of it these days, it was uncomfortable silence and Germany doesn't seem like he would be the one to put everything back on track right now. With only three doors left, America, I think… Canada? Yea Canada and I have been more paranoid since there is a big possibility that it could be either of us. I really hope when we all get out of here it doesn't change anything big in our behavior, though that doesn't mean that these are not scarring us for life. No one wanted to make a move and neither I until a polar bear started to speak. It really shouldn't surprise me since the idea of nations is a bit un-logical but still… "I'm hungry! Hungry, Hungry!" It whined out. Now that I think about it has been awhile or so but I can hold on for a little bit longer. The see-through figure sighed and pulled out what looked to be maple syrup until the white bears paw accidentally swatted at it and landed near a door. As the animal jumped to get it with the owner going after the bear he stopped at a halt when the duo reach a glass, beautiful, but plain looking door. The furry animal gave it a long stare with curiosity and turned it before Canada had the chance to stop him. The polar bear stepped through it and the owner went after it, both being suck up until one by one we all of us entered. Feeling through the vortex in a tingling manner through my body till I passed out faster than usual as a shiver goes up my spine with a feeling of dread.

**Past's P.O.V**

I live in a small house that no one bothers to go by as I stare at my ramen noodles as it's probably the only food I can eat. I forgot my age but if I could estimate I would say about twelve… or eight? I don't really know as my past is in a blur. All I remember is waking up in a hospital and saying that I have no parents so naturally they tried to set me up in an orphanage or find someone who was close to my family. They set me up at the neighbors who I could tell didn't want me the second I set foot on their shabby looking, almost burnt rug. They were not rich to begin with but they try their best to ignore me while keeping me alive. They don't like me but don't outright disgust me. I keep wondering about my past though I get is a head ache from it from thinking too much, and my neighbor (the people I'm living with right now) don't really talk to people or do anything for that matter. It get frustrating sometimes when you don't know anything of what you did over the past more than half of your life but I cool myself down before I go to sleep. Did I have any friends? What were my parents like? What was I like? How did I get amnesia- or what the doctor's say was a car crash but I doubt that as the hesitated and they sent me a lot farther than what is considered a neighbor from my few puzzle pieces that I have.

Every day is the same. I get up, get ready for school, come home to see my guardians have gone out for some reason, eat a potato or some ramen, go of in a mindless tangent, fall asleep, then wake up in the middle of the night to hear my guardians sneaking back inside the house. I won't deny that I get very lonely as I don't have any friends or foster parents willing to communicate or play. The only living things that don't seem to mind me are the tiny little gold fish that swim back and forth in their small little bowl in my small room, though I do enjoy them as their swimming patterns are very hypnotizing and help me zone out when I'm in a stressful, angry, or sad mood. Fellow students don't pick or tease me as one would expect but instead I could see the fear in their eyes like they are afraid of me but I ignore it with a blank expression but deep inside it hurts to see people stop talking when they see me walk by or go the other direction like they see blood stains on me. Same goes for my foster parents, they do the same thing except they can't go the other way without a ridiculous lie to just get away from me. Oh well if only I had more puzzle pieces to complete this mystery and I know I will someday. Goodnight

**~o,O0O,o~**

I woke up in a daze as I had no alarm to wake me up or my foster parents to tell me so I hope for the best that I don't sleep in, I have no clock to tell me the time so all I have to do is hope for the best. Luckily school is in walking distance. I get up and do my normal routine of getting ready with a small cracked mirror and head out in the cold beating down my cheeks. I can't afford things like a scarf or mittens; the uniform was very expensive in itself. I finally get through the small gates as I ignore the stares and people looking away. From what I know they didn't put me into different schools so I wonder how I handled it or what did I do to make people afraid of me, hopefully nothing to bad. I developed sort of this mask of a blank expression and that mask became who I was, not a mask anymore. But still I can still feel hurt but don't show it. I can cry but not shed a tear. I can be mad but have my face clear of red. My personality is something I question, what am I exactly? I act like a robot but I don't mind really, I actually like it. But today I heard scowls which are new ground I haven't touched on. Scowls, what did I do? Granted it was only a few people but still, I don't like it. The scowls and scoffs became louder and more apparent, like they were angry at me. I try to ignore it but this seems to be the line. Holding it in my blank face and triple layered powder of mask was hard when classmates got bolder and bolder with one multiplying into two going off to four then to six and so on and so forth. It was until the end of the day till I felt a tear roll down. Just one. But that seemed to make all the worse. "Who do you think you are crying, you should be ashamed of yourself!" I heard a little bit of gasps as I ran off with clear, blue drops falling off my eyes and into the pavement. I ran straight to bed.

The next day I woke up in the same manner except slower and wearier, doing the same routine without going to school. I looked over at a thin pencil and olden paper that was laying on the small rounded and black wooden table that barley lifted off the ground. I don't do it often but I just like to draw silly characters in my loneliest of times to make my feel like I have someone, grated there not very good but I like to think otherwise in my imperfect imagination. Some might say I'm going crazy with the lack of human contact but generally the people I draw calms me down and distracts my mind. I knew that the faded paper was the last that I had for while so I treated it with the upmost care. I pulled out an eraser and a shabby looking sharpener and started to draw. I started to make random characters the first one being little boy about the same age as me in a green maid dress and curl that seemed to be a strained piece of hair going off to the side. I liked the way it looked so I made another one with the curl going off to the other side, it looked cute. The third and fourth one I made was them older with distinct facial expression while one seemed happy the other looked mad. The next one I made was a tall and bulky looking man with hair that was slick and expression that was serious but overall heartwarming. The sixth one I made started off with a head and a bird on top of it but I erased it with some remnants of pencil markings and replaced it with man and a cowlick above his cheerful smile and bomber jacket. I made another with the same base as the last but changed it to have distinct differences such as longer hair with a curl in front of him, a coat and a white bear on his shoulders. I wanted to make another classy with short messy hair and a nice proper uniform, I based him a little bit off of a children's book except made the difference with thicker eyebrows and a more calm but irritated expression. I went on so forth with man in a coat with a pipe in his hand, a beautiful man to represent love, a slightly smaller guy with a pony tail with Asian aesthetics, and a few more till my pencil was out of lead. I realized that I must have spent hours of drawing as I tried to stand up but I ate some ramen and fell asleep.

**~o,O0O,o~**

I was dreaming. I knew it and it was weird. I stood in a dark street at night where the wind was fierce against my skin. I looked ahead when I saw two adults a man and a woman making a run for it in a screaming house with blood dripping from their hands and a knife curled into a black pocket. The woman flung a bag at me when it hit me hard in the head. "What am I supposed to do" Was the words that seemed to come out of my mouth, the person who said that was not me but yet it was? I don't know anymore. The man replied "Just go back to the house!" when he said that my feet seemed to go off like I had no control over my body into a direction but thing seemed to slow down and it seems like I'm having a concussion from the impact. I finally collapse on the side walk with the heavy bad flung into the streets. The last thing I heard was police sirens booming through the streets. I had no control of my body but things started to connect with every puzzle piece. My family had no money and stole to get what they want and need even if it meant killing but today they wanted to set me up for a test but my unconscious body was evidence to the killers as they tried to go back for me. They did truly care for me but were horrible people. I think that's why students were sacred of me and angry at me… I was imparting a murderous act. They told me nothing in hopes I don't become like them and I don't know if I would have.

Everything fuzzed out again and brought me to a second dream where I was in control of my body. The scenery was much better than the last but had a gloomy feeling. It was a plain white room with the characters that I drew and some more that were very detailed. One was a lady with sand hair and skillet with a motherly smile but dull eyes. The other was a small boy in a sailor suit, about as old as me looking in the distance like there was something floating on the ground. No one seemed to acknowledge me or each other or maybe they were ignoring each other with a comfortable silence. It seemed to be the latter at I took the first to steps toward the siting bodies in a circle everyone just stared at me, not knowing what to do they looked back to where they originally stared at with a few minor differences. I broke the silence. "Wh-what are you doing?" I said in a nervous and quiet tone not sure if I should speak but it seemed to catch everyone's attention including many other people that seemed to pop up that I didn't realize from the shadows that hid them and probably more the deeper I went. No one wanted to speak so I went closer to the one I first drew except a bit older and in color. There was another one, the one that had the curl going the other way but now the differences were more noticeable. The lighter colored with the closed eyes seemed to laugh a little. "Who are you?" he said light heartedly and dull. People were watching the conversation unfold with bewilderment but with a blank face. "M-my name is Honda, Kiku. Who are you?" I replied with the softest voice I ever made. "Oh, me? My name Feliciano Vargas." Accompanied with the smallest smile but it was bright nother than less. "What kind if dream is this?" Vargas just gave me a funny look "Dream?" The other spoke. "We have been stuck here waiting until everybody is here" "What do you mean until everybody is here?" Every answer I got was followed by more questions. The little boy in the sailor suit ran up to me but said nothing as the darker skinned Italian spoke. "We have been stuck here for about one or two years, some longer. Go on deeper and you find more people. Who knows, maybe you're the last person so we can get out of here" he seemed to laugh at the last statement like it was a joke and the small boy from earlier took me deeper in.

It got darker the deeper went as there were more and more people. I also seemed to grow taller but not but not that much. There were people like a guy holding a boy by the hand like he was going to lose him, huh, thought I erased that character. Come to think of it the first person I talked to gave me his name even though I didn't give him one. And this boy who is guiding me, who is he? He had a gentle grip on my arm and quite footsteps for the whole walk with some stares from passer byes but he stopped, letting go of my hand when we reached a far end farther from where everybody was and, to put it lightly, shocked. We reached a big door or more so a gate. "What is that?" and I got a really fast reply: "Th-this is- We need to tell everyone!" before I could say another 'what?' he ran and shouted "Everyone! Everyone!" while I stayed behind for a few minutes admiring the gate. What kind of dream was this? It was until the boy came back with a lot of cheery faced people when they saw the gate like they hit the lottery. No, even more, way more. They ran while some said "We can finally go!" and "Open it, Open it!" It was a guy with a cat pillow that hastily opened the door to invoke a white portal of some sorts and a lot of them jumped in. I held back the girl with the skillet to ask her what's going on. To the she replied "You're the last person we need to get out of here for!" Those dull eyes were now full of life. "Wait, what? I'm not sure I want to…" The white portal was very slowly beginning to fade. "It's either you come or stay here for all eternity!" she ran off into it and getting scared I hastily ran after. When I stepped in it felt refreshing like a new beginning was happening.

**~o,O0O,o~**

I was standing in a bamboo forest of some sorts when a man in a ponytail came into view and that's when I lost all sense of memory.


	11. Speak to the flames

**America's P.O.V**

The nations came back to the white room again, when the door collapsed on itself with a bang. There were only two doors left, mine and Canada's. There was this sense of tension in the atmosphere, as we looked at one another in dazed thoughts of wanting to go back home and forget about all this. This was never supposed to happen, and I never wanted it to happen. Even if it were to answer all the questions in the world, as they say ignorance is bliss. No one is acting as what they would usually act as, Italy's declare for pasta was the last thing on his mind, Germany's yelling to calm down was gone, and almost everybody was deathly silent with only the noise of an imaginary ticking clock seemed to be going on in my head. We were all looking down, but I was the one to stand up and point to a door with nothing but the color of soft gray on it – pretty bland. The other was a door with what seemed to be a child's finger painting, and it seemed adorable but with the way things are now are only making it creepy.

They looked at me as they understood what I meant, and forcefully pushed their feet towards the door, which I opened first. After this whole thing was over and done with, we could all go home and take a long nap, waking up and try to convince ourselves that it was only a dream – but when we do get out of here, things might will be different between us, and how long will it take for us to get past it? Hopefully not too long.

I took a deep breath in than out to calm down my apprehension as I opened the door softly. After this, there was only one more door to go before this was over. I took the first step towards the dark abyss and blacked out immediately.

** ~o,O0O,o~ **

I woke up on my own with almost everyone already awake except for one or two people in some sort of playground area with a huge field of grass right next to it. This seemed to be a school with little children playing tag and getting hurt, which meant that either my brother or I could be in amongst the crowd of children that were giggling or crying. This gave a sort of strange hope to me, that maybe we don't have to see our past, and maybe we can skip this one but it was obvious that weird forces won't let that happen.

I looked around to see no one that might look like our younger selves, until England softly poked my arm as rest of the nations and I followed suit to see what we were headed to, and that were towards the fields, where most of about half of the kids were and I still couldn't see anyone. England seemed to catch with my obliviousness as he pointed to a group of kids that were playing something with a kickball, and amongst the group there was a little kid with blond hair looking up with a smile to his face. That kid seemed to be me.

Knowing I could walk through people like a freak, I moved towards him with steady pace as few others followed – most others stayed behind.

"Hey new kid, catch" A new kid threw the ball as hard as he could into my past as he caught it with his stomached with a little grunt; except that's what he seemed to be mouthing out because no sound came out. "You know, I'm trying really hard, and yet you don't speak, how do you think that makes me feel?" There was still no vocal reply for my past to only shake his head in what seemed to be a little bit of panic in his eyes. "What, are you just a cowered or do you just hate me?" The kid took a step forward on what was now turning into bullying. The little blond took a step back in fear as he sheltered his face with his arms." About three other kids were advancing towards the poor boy in frustration. I stood there watching as this was happening – I was so close and if it was possible, I would have stopped this from it going any further… but I can't.

"He's probably too stupid to speak." another said as they poked the one who seemed to on the brink of tears in the cheek then left him alone standing there with tears falling out.

A whistle blew, signaling for the kids to go back to the class rooms which little Alfred did and followed the kid into the elementary building as they filed in a single file line.

**~o,O0O,o~ **

The kids walked by a janitors closet which the group from earlier, minus one, decided to grab the boy in the arm and put him into the closet when the kids fell behind the rest of the class as the teacher obliviously kept going, probably because the only sound that was there was the sound of a soft click and soon the hallway was cleared.

"I'm not letting you out until you say something, like, it's not hard to do." A kid with spiked brown hair said as close to the door as possible so the boy on the other side of the door can hear with how low the voices were. When nothing came out, the terrifying sound of a click from a door locking came in place. Still nothing came from inside the room, and they left in frustration. I didn't know what to say, and why wasn't I saying anything at all? Why were there banging from the door like the kid was trying to get out, but no cries for help? I looked around to see a clock that seemed to be either broken or time was going faster and faster as the minute hand was speeding more and more, until maybe 15 minutes pasted where no banging's from the door could be heard any longer, yet time was still going. In retrospect, the spinning clock was sort of memorizing and it didn't have that same tick tock noise that could drive you mad in a few minutes from earlier. But not even the distracting clock could be enough to ignore the fact my past self was still locked up in there, hopefully someone will find me in there. Oh god, what if my death was me starving to death or something? I could go walk through the door and look at my own self directly in the eyes without them actually seeing me but it would be all too painful, and he really didn't really need any more scaring than he already has.

All of a sudden, time started to slow down as the clock on the wall had confirmed and about 10 seconds later, a fire alarm started to go off and students came out a lot more panicky than how they should be. Kids were walking slow and steady when they started to pick up the pace, but the boy inside the janitor's closet didn't say anything except bang the door in a weak manner. People were ignoring him as teachers tried to get students out as fast as they could and when the sound of fire trucks came by I realized that this was not some ordinary fire drill happening. This was no drill. The kid was still stuck in the janitor's closet, and yet, what can I do? I can't do anything to save him! My feet moved on their own and went through the door that separated me and my past, and when I looked at him, my heart broke as if it wasn't already. He was crying and screaming but no words came out… I think he wasn't speaking because he can't. As two words just popped up into my head, _'He's mute_.' I was pulled back out of the enclosed space as I saw growing fire lighting through the halls and all the kids seemed to be evacuated except _me. _I refused to go back in there and stood there and the others thought the same thing. We waited and waited as the fire finally swept through the halls as I covered my ears and many others did too from the screams that were non-existent, but I knew that the child was screaming internally inside and out, I didn't have to hear anything to listen to that. The walls around us burned up in flames as everything was red and orange from the fire that was engulfing us, not hurting or killing us in any way, but it was still unbearable. To think that my past, a _**child**_, was _**burning alive **_was right beside me and I couldn't do anything about it, no matter how much I wanted to.

I was squeezing my eyes so hard that I didn't even notice that the world itself was getting darker and darker as we dissipated into that vile white room that I'd throw up if saw that again when we get out of this nightmare. White was not my favorite color.

**~o,O0O, o~**

**A/N: Ugh, this story was just staring at me, and for a while now I thought about discontinuing it, and from time to time even deleting it! But now I'm determined to finish it, and why you might ask? IDK, the story was just haunting me for the past couple of days.**

**Why is there 51 people followed to this, even though for the amount of time I didn't update or even plan to continue the story, you guys are still here? I will never understand you… but I still love you ~ (=3=)~**

**Hey, I have another story that I'm working on called **_**The Changing Year. **_**It's the first romance that I'm going to be doing! Hehe, shameless promo~ **

**Also, I have another question – why did anybody want read this fanfic!**


	12. Don't neglect, neglect

**Canada's P.O.V**

There was only one door, and only one person to go. Me.

For the first time I wish I was invisible, eyes were staring at me knowing what was about to come next –but I prepared myself mentally. While we were going through other nation's pasts, I made sure when it was my turn not to take it to heart. Whatever was to happen was the past and not something to dwell on now, and I guess we wouldn't be what we were today without it. I hope not much time has passed in the real world, kumajiko wouldn't be happy. As we pass door through door, the shock sort of numbs down till there's nothing left, until of course when it comes to you. Then the pain becomes tenfold and you're left there wondering what to do, what happens now. How much changed? Too much. What's different? Too much.

When such a scenario like this happens, you start to envy your daily, maybe boring life from before. Things you complain about, verbally or mentally become a sort a paradise that's too expensive to pay for – whether I'd be homework or magical entities forcing you to go through painful histories because your brother screwed up. I think that because everyone else has already gone through their pasts, they're not so worried anymore that it might be them, especially now that this is the last one. This whole event to be over with and forgotten. Hopefully. As nations, we've all done something in our own histories that we regret, but this isn't a war or something on the news, this is us. Just us personifications and no one else – makes it a bit more personal and something no one asked for.

I walked forward, my soft footsteps echoing loudly in the deathly silent void, to the door with what looked like a child's finger painting. It had a tense air, something lonely about it which is a feeling I know well. I was never actually lonely; there was at least someone there, even if it was just kumahiko most of the time. I turned the handle, feeling the soft creek coming from it before going in first. Feeling darkness cloud my lens.

**~o,O0O,o~**

I woke up and immediately spotted myself, well, my past self sitting on a small bed playing with an empty tissue box. Everything seemed fine so far, but that's not how these stories end sadly. The walls were a nice peach color, boxes filled with belongings were around the floor, and my eyes were a bright brown, not like the violet I have today. The eight of us in here was a little cramped, but not terribly, this was a fit room for what looked like a child not even pass the age of seven. I pray that this past isn't going to have a brutal ending, wait, who am I kidding, of course it is. It wouldn't be traumatizing without it apparently.

Out the window that was behind my past's bed, was a car pulling out and driving off to who knows where, but I knew that couldn't be a good sign. Soon I noticed the clock on the wall and how it slowly went faster and faster with each passing minute, and growing second. I think I know where this heading.

About a half an hour later, the seven year old got tired of the empty cardboard box and got up to open the door… except it wouldn't. My little arms pulled harder with no success, and then he tried to push on the door. Nothing. Until past me realized that the door wouldn't budge, or maybe the embarrassing fact that I may have suddenly gotten too weak to open a door, past me started to pound on the stubborn door calling for help, but to no effect. My skinny, young body was too weak to break down the door, so he gave up and went back to his bed holding a stuffed animal that eerily resembled kumasiro.

I know not to act on my curiosity, curiosity killed the cat as the saying goes anyway, but I went through the door with ease seeing… basically nothing. No furniture, nothing on the walls. It looked like the whole place was abandoned without a speck of dusk. I tried to go further out the front door to see if anyone was outside, but of course the strange force would not let me. Going back to my past's room, I found some of the other nations looking other and more worried, the rest not even looking. One was even outside not wanting to see the ending of this tragedy. I glanced up at the clock to see that a full two hours have passed already with no sight of another person other than myself in this world. Even my past self was getting really anxious.

"Mom? Dad!" He pounded on the door, hoping to get someone's attention but still nothing. "Hey… they went somewhere again… didn't they?" He tried turning the knob again, only to get that same lock sound. "They locked it… I promised I wouldn't come out of my room… but I tried…" He went back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, holding onto his stuffed animal as time quickened again.

I know where this is going. Death by neglect, should have known. I don't want to here, watching myself rot in my own tears isn't something I want to see in my life time, even if it is an immortal life time, everything comes to an end, right? When the last star dies, nothing will matter anymore, will it? Every regret, every victory, every fail, every love, every heartbreak, every dark thought, every smile, every birthday, every celebration, every mile stone, every year, every breath, every scare, every goal, every birth, every death… it doesn't matter in the end. I guess I could look at my past self, like I was right now, instead of turning around like everybody else did. They don't want to see this, and neither do I, but I know I shouldn't dwell on it, what has happened has happened and I can't change that. Maybe earlier's event was supposed to happen, which is why I'm not turning around, I'm not going out that door like everyone else did because it's too painful. Now I'm watching my past self slowly starve to death, holding back my fears for facing up to something that was hidden for so long. The story's being told after being locked up in chains because no one wants to read it, but I'm here. I'll read it alone. I'm not afraid.

Day and night is now passing in just a few minutes, as the boy is out of breath from shouting, the body is too weak to move. He tried opening the window, even shattering, but the window might as well have been painted on the walls, only there to mock my past of the outside world. My head automatically turned when I saw movement in the corner of my eye to see my brother, looking at me with confusion like maybe I was the stupid one this time, and he's probably right, but like the window, I didn't budge. He decided to leave me be to my quiet thoughts as the boy takes his lasts breaths on the floor, his own drained from crying. Soon the world around me started to shatter and warp into the white room with no doors. I stared unemotionally as a lonely tear rolled down my cheek. The other nations were looking at me confused, wondering why I would want to see such a thing. I didn't want to, but something in me told me I should.

There was a note on the floor as Al picked it up, and decided to give it to me to read.

"Uh," my voice was a bit raspy. "The note says: _"sorry, we can't be there at the moment, but we'll let you go from this god awful fanfic– uh, I mean tragic pasts. Anyway, goodbye! From your two favorite fairies (But you love Andi more.)" _wha…" I stared at the silly note for a bit longer than I should have before the white room started to shake and fall apart. Walls that I didn't even know were there ripped apart, and soon we were back to our meeting, in our chairs like nothing happened.

We all left and went home; this wasn't something we wanted to talk about right now

**~o,O0O,o~**

**A/N: Anddddddddddddd done! The story is finished after the months of not posting even though I said I would finish soon after the last update where I didn't post for like a decade, but anyway. So, after all this time, I can finally put this story as complete and not have to deal with it staring at me saying: Why did you abandon me! But serious talk. I've been sort of fallen out of the fandom, don't get me wrong, I will always have a place in my heart for all the memories of being in the fandom like writing my first fanfic (AKA, this one) that is so cringey I can't read the first few chapters of this story. You can go read the first chapters, then read this one again and see how much of my writing has changed for the better thank god. **

**IMPORTANT! READ: I WILL BE DELETING MY FANFICS ON THIS ACCOUNT (EXEPT FOR THIS ONE, DON'T WORRY) I'm sorry but… it's time to move on…**

**Anyway, so this is goodbye? I guess so… thank you to everyone who's followed on this story with months of inactivity, you can unfollow now I guess, and special thanks to everybody who reviewed and favorite this story 3 much love!**

**_TO THOSE WHO HAVE FOLLOWED THIS STORY:_**

**RiseoftheSoulGuardians,** **TheWolfThatRunsFree, pastaaddict,** **ILoveSprinklesOnMyToast, Kaibird, MKcoffee,** **Sarahsoarus, Senor Tree,** **autumnkitten25,** **stardust77722,** **Bromano,** **Fairygirl34,** **Final-Fire-Imp,** **Guineapiglily,** **LacNyssa,** **Oberaar,** **Raven Iris,** **Regna of the forest,** **The secret trio,** **issydragonheart,** **starbecky,** **your-lie-in-september,** **Ichigo Kitsune-chan,** **NaddEchaos,** **Shadowmystery99,** **missycanucks,** **LoverOfAnimeAndYaoi,** **SylverRavyn,** **waterwielder25,** **Trinitbob12,** **Zoney568,** **hpawsome,** **Nana-7og,** **OtakuFledgeling,** **Emma74,** **CollinMorganTheNewGothDoctor,** **Superwholockingers,** **writersoftheuniverse,** **Ditzy Queen,** **FairyEater777,** **Death by Nosebleed,** **Kathryn Daughter Of Hestia,** **LightAshCrazyMuffin,** **Justwannacomment,** **silverhuntress04,** **ThisIsTheEarth,** **Ivyhunter10,** **asane18,** **michi1032,** **LucediDio,** **catlover123456789,** **DreamingAboutFandoms,** **Lillyzhere,** **Nightprincess123**

**_TO THOSE WHO HAVE PUT THIS STORY IN THEIR FAVORITES:_**

**Aniver22,** **Bromano,** **Butter Bunny, CollinMorganTheNewGothDoctor, DBZGIRL111, DemigodHalliwell, Ditzy Queen, DragonPancakes673, DreamingAboutFandoms, Emma74,I'm a bookworm and I'm proud, Justwannacomment, Lillyzhere, LoverOfAnimeAndYaoi, LucediDio, LyteHetalian, QuestionableGerman, Raven Iris, Senor Tree, Shippo704, Superwholockingers, Zoney568, animestorylover1621, autumnkitten25, bunnyhoney1010, catlover123456789, catsrulegirl, chocolatemilkandlollypops, freeze47458, ilrahcbow, issydragonheart, johane, michi1032, pastaaddict, waterwielder25**

**_TO THOSE OF US WHO REVIEWED:_**

**Speadee,** **pastaaddict,** **Kaibird,** **NaddEchaos,** **LoverOfAnimeAndYaoi,** **Guineapiglily,** **Eternally Gone,** **OtakuFledgeling,** **topaz3,** **Regna of the forest,** **Butter Bunny,** **Kiku H,** **averi,** **ThisIsTheEarth,** **Somebody,** **Lillyzhere**

**Even the guests that reviewed get a hug 3**

**This is getting cheesy…**

**love ya**


End file.
